Hot Tips #1: Missing Home

It is easy to pathologize the emotional feeling of missing home as “feeling homesick.” Sickness can be scary, prone to uncertainty (in duration or intensity), and often makes us feel isolated and physically bad. Yet “missing home” is a very common, possibly universal, emotional experience. It’s the pang of nostalgia upon hearing a song from childhood, it’s the longing reminiscence when we smell spring flowers, its wishing we could hear our mother’s voice when we’ve had a hard day, it’s a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out) when we see our friends doing things without us, it’s something that–regardless of age, height, or life experience–we all feel from time to time.

Fortunately, if a camper is missing home, it gives us the opportunity as parents and camp professionals to teach hope. We can help campers feel “hopeful” about their own ability to overcome those sad moments when they are missing home. Hope is a big part of developing resilience as a child. Hope can be defined as “the belief that your future is brighter than your past and that you play a part in shaping that future.”

So how do we overcome it? We acknowledge the experience for what it is, “I am missing home right now.” We articulate the parts we are missing, “I am missing my mom’s chicken parmesan, which is what she makes for me after I’ve had a hard day.” And we name the emotion, “I am feeling very sad because I am missing home. I understand that emotions are like the weather and are ever changing, but–right now–I am feeling very stormy and cloudy. I HOPE this feeling will pass when I start thinking about my horseback ride this afternoon, or about my River All Day tomorrow, and by focusing on the reasons why I came to camp, I can ride this emotional wave until these strong feelings subside.”

HOT TIPS FOR PARENTS

• DO: Help your camper plan on these “missing home” moments. Talk about when they might happen (usually transition times: early in the morning, before bed, during rest period, etc.) Should they write you a letter? Should they hug a stuffed animal? Should they write in their journal? Giving them power, agency and autonomy to help define what they can do to help them feel better is empowering.
• DO: Write them and tell them you miss them and you know they are having incredible experiences and that you cannot wait for them to tell you all about them when they get home.
• DO: Remind them before and during camp that missing home is normal. Also remind yourself, when you receive the “sad letter” that the “snail mail” delay means the emotions you are reading on paper have long since passed and your camper has already grown and found new tools to overcome those hard moments.
• DON’T: Promise to pick your child up from camp early if they find themselves missing home. A child who has a parent’s promise will have a hard time fully committing to the experience and often end up missing home even more and for a longer period of time.
• DON’T: Consistently write about every single amazing thing that has happened at home since your camper left…that wouldn’t feel good to us as adults, it doesn’t feel good to your kids, either.
• DON’T: Tell your campers they won’t ever have to go to camp again if they can make it through this experience. The camp experience helps kids deepen their sense of independence and autonomy while simultaneously creating a new perspective which deepens their respect and love for their home and family of origin.

HOT TIPS FOR CAMPERS:

If you suddenly feel like you are missing home…

• DO: Let your counselor, ridge leader, trip leader or director know you are feeling sad.
• DO: Think about the activities and trips you have coming up; think about which ones you are the most excited about.
• DO: Keep a gratitude journal: write down at least one thing you are grateful for every day (you can start this before camp!)
• DO: Ask your friends for help. This may look like walking to the lodge for a snack and hot cocoa or it may look like hanging out together in a hammock outside of the living unit. Your friends will know when you are sad, so tell yourself (and them) that you are missing home and that you hope the feeling will pass soon.